To the 20 something, Jobless Madrasan Ji : Drink Responsibly, Write Responsibly

To the 20 something, Jobless Madrasan Ji : Drink Responsibly, Write Responsibly J

In reply to: http://raagshahana.blogspot.com/2011/09/madrasan-breaks-her-silence.html

Congratulations! You finally managed to seek enough attention through your blog which you, quite obviously, couldn't have managed with your looks (per described in your last rant).  What amuses me the most about your latest one is the post script. The direct inference of the  highly “ juvenilistic” post script of your article is like my sister’s childhood apologies, when confronted for her mischief; "Okay okay! I am sorry! But mind you, I am not apologizing ". What you blurted out there would give even the most retarded of them, a sneak peek at the current state of your ego machinery. Where, the once rusty gears are now moving much smoother over each other, probably from the immense slime hurled at them recently.

I will try to explain why things turned out to be as they did and how, a petty Madrasan, became the very unlikely "hot” cynosure of admiration and rebuke. It’s  simple cyber dynamics at play. You post something slanderous on a personal blog, which is not so personal as a couple of hundred people have subscribed to it. Now these innocent people, incensed or amused, further post the blog link on their facebook, twitter, websites, emails and it goes viral. Trust me, if you had chosen to write about the current state of Indian politics, you would've been begging people for comments. But, owing to your intentional attention seeking qualities, you chose to slander, and slander on a blog  (which you claim as an innocent rant). I do believe in the freedom of expression. But that doesn't mean I can rape someone, given that’s the way I look at expressing myself. There has to be some sense of responsibility and some lines drawn. “Loose talking” about sensitive issues like regionalism, color, religion (yes religion, since you mentioned Gurpurab, and how you are offended by "sms"s greeting you the same. Its the holiest festival of the Sikhs) is quite unacceptable unless you do it with your drunk friends. Undoubtedly, you shouldn't have ever put to paper what transpired between you and your drunk best friend :))).  Not everyone has a funny bone and different people interpret things in a different way. You see, there are enough Delhi boys, like me, who because of their English handicap, may read “come” as “cum” and then for them it would make the whole thing sexual.  J

Lastly, my dear Madrasan, when there’s a choice between watching Scarlett Johnson getting nanga and a Desi Madrasan getting Delhi Boys nanga, then yes people will choose the latter. Even if it’s 'fictitious'. I can't fictitiously be racist/regionalist (which I know you aren't or meant to be) and get away with it.

Death threats sound like really horrifying stuff and speaks of the variegated organisms the society is composed of. It’s condemnable (like Chidambram’s  rue at every bomb blast), but I am not surprised that it happened. As for the unsuspected newspaper stint, I won't even go there. Newspapers will publish anything, anything, even my blog that has the letter 'A' typed one million times, if it goes viral. So don't let that bother you .

Take it easy,

Punjabi Munda

P.S. - Sorry if I sounded like your dad lecturing you about why you shouldn't be speaking to 'em boys at school. I find it hard to believe that you/your friends actually delete comments from your posts. That’s totally like not being able to take criticism. It comes in different forms. Accept it!

REPLY TO THE "MADRAASAN"

In reply to :

http://raagshahana.blogspot.com/2011/09/open-letter-to-delhi-boy.html?spref=tw

Dear Madraasan,

Namastey to you from the land up there. I will address you as "Madraasan" because  the day I figure out the difference between you "Sawthis", I shall use another word. I don't think its derogatory though. It was indeed a good write up, and really, I had a good laugh after days of my monotonous routine. Thank you for that. I am gonna attempt my reply in a language which probably, I can barely read and write. Your letter comes to me as one from a complex ridden, ego maniac suffering from severe identity crisis in her own country. If I remember correctly, a third of my friends are "Sawthis" who probably never PMS'ed this bad in their lives.  Neither do I remember any discriminatory incident towards them. Of course, we attack each other during our innocent bantering. Does'nt qualify for discrimination, I am sure. Makes me wonder about the severe compulsions that made you leave your utopian habitat and come looking for work in Delhi, considering the land of opportunities is back there. You should’ve paid heed to your family given your inherent docility, and settled back in the cities like Bangalore and Bombay. Why the effort? Not a problem as you is always welcome to the city of migrants, with less xenophobia than the countries down below. Like you, I too had got an opportunity to experience the land of the lungis and coco'nuts' by going there for my higher education. The obvious fact, that there aren't enough technical institutes in my country, was my compulsion.

Quite honestly, back then, I had not heard much about the "Sawthi" countries (pre-IT revolution era), other than that it was the land owned by "Verrappan", and inhabited by people who spoke in a language that made a crow's caw sound sweeter than Celine Dion. I am quite sure that these countries were not witnessing a famine of any sort at the point in time, nevertheless given the gaunt structures, for once I thought I was in Somalia of all places. Foreign language, strange looking people, wearing something that can be best described as a crossover between a pajama and a skirt or rather an ancestor of a beach 'wrap around'. No, they didn't have a cleavage, not in the least and I could count their ribs and how they vibrated from the heart beats. That was women I was talking about. As for men, same, just happened to wear different clothes and yet managed that smug look on their faces. By the way, there's no market for bras in this part of the world, they're not needed, because a bra is for breasts and they don't have any. I learnt my lesson right on the first day of college when my 'super-nerd king' college professor (M.Tech Computer Science) addressed me and the gang as : "You Northies". Wow! It shattered my false notion of unity in diversity.

I admit that there are enough ignorant people in Delhi to justify its male sexist, anti- girl child, wife beating, women raping image. I can only speak for myself (and so could you). I remember always complaining about my parents being partial towards my sister. I grew up with the values where I always pictured god as being a woman. Do you know, we have a full fledged festival called 'Kanjak' during which we worship females? Much for what you read in the papers, I can't remember of any occasion where my female friends have gotten discriminated against or anything of that sort. Yes, if you roam around at 2:00am in the night in a bikini, then chances of undesirable incidents increase. But that's true for most of the countries of the world.

Yes, we can afford SUV's and love them. We prefer buying SUVs over a lifelong supply of coconuts. We don't have 90% of our population travelling by mopeds. Great Kings kept the best horses and took pride in them. So we're not used to using 'dogs' as our rides. And then can you flaunt a moped? Nah! If you expect your rich boyfriend from Delhi to discuss the latest advances in genetics and not Rolex and Armani , ain't gonna happen for sure. You grow up and study hard to earn money; we don't need to go all the way since we are born fucking rich. We have the kind of money to employ your whole country to wash our asses’ every day.  Think you were born into a society where a "Sawthi" woman can whoop a Punjabi's ass? You know what, just try that for once. You'll come to know what WMD stands for. 

We defend your countries. For one from your country we have 50 from ours who were part of freedom struggle. For one from your country, we have 200 who make up the armed forces and defend us from our hostile neighbors. You were born in a matriarchal home, maybe, but making me believe that that’s how the people from your countries are, would be a ludicrous. And what the fuck do you mean by 'in rightful name of girl child’, isn't that discriminatory? Women are treated like trash all over, not that I approve of it in any way, so stop stereotyping the north for that. Are you of English descent??  I believe not, so stop fucking harping about our screwed up English. This is not motherfucking England, its India and we speak Hindi and take pride in it. All said, there's still nothing worse than a person speaking English in a "Sawthi" accent. What's with "Saar"?? Fucktards, its Sir..Sir..Sir. And prefixing every word with 'enna' with a pulsating thumb gesture. Now that you have brought it up, it was you who started harping about a linguistically divided India because Hindi was made the national language. Take the blame for linguistic discrimination in India.

Try a small exercise; Take a small kid or not even a human, a dog pup and show it Bharatnatyam. I am sure by the end you will find them either dead or comatose. A person with clinical depression would slash his wrists if taken to a Bharatnatyam performance. I wonder how it even qualifies for a dance, being such an inanimate, lifeless excuse for dance. While on visit to your country, I happened to see some of the movies you make.  It seems like all your actors came out of their mother's wombs with mustache on their face and pot bellies. God! the female actors, buffaloes on streets of Delhi are prettier. Of course your creative intellect reflects in them. Yes, we have grown up listening to Gurdas Mann and Jagjit Singh and good that you know them, for I have no knowledge of anyone of that stature from your side. Your 'beautiful' women Hema couldn't find a befitting "Sawthi" and married a punjabi, SriDevi, ditto , and Aishwarya Rai, who drowned her southern heritage long ago by assuming an American accent, too married a half punjabi and had innumerous affairs for a century with Punjabis before that.  Lastly, only if you know, Hema , Sri, Aish, all have had their share 'cosmetic treatments' so don't even lay your "Sawthi" hands on Priyanka.

Your names remind me of linked lists from my C programming classes. You add your dads name and your village name to your own name to make a fucking train of a name which even god would find hard to pronounce. Don't like our food?? So what?? There's hardly a doubt about the delectability of our food. Our Chicken Tikka Masala has such a global appeal that it’s the national dish of UK now. Wonder why its not masala dosa??

We are the land of martyrs, land of the warriors, land of the super kings, land of beauty and of course politics. 

..... Next time you touch our pride, those 'gidda' girls will kick your bharatnatyam ass so hard that you will float in the outer space forever.

Yours Punjabi Munda