In reply to :
Dear Madraasan,
Namastey to you from the land up there. I will address you as "Madraasan" because the day I figure out the difference between you "Sawthis", I shall use another word. I don't think its derogatory though. It was indeed a good write up, and really, I had a good laugh after days of my monotonous routine. Thank you for that. I am gonna attempt my reply in a language which probably, I can barely read and write. Your letter comes to me as one from a complex ridden, ego maniac suffering from severe identity crisis in her own country. If I remember correctly, a third of my friends are "Sawthis" who probably never PMS'ed this bad in their lives. Neither do I remember any discriminatory incident towards them. Of course, we attack each other during our innocent bantering. Does'nt qualify for discrimination, I am sure. Makes me wonder about the severe compulsions that made you leave your utopian habitat and come looking for work in Delhi, considering the land of opportunities is back there. You should’ve paid heed to your family given your inherent docility, and settled back in the cities like Bangalore and Bombay. Why the effort? Not a problem as you is always welcome to the city of migrants, with less xenophobia than the countries down below. Like you, I too had got an opportunity to experience the land of the lungis and coco'nuts' by going there for my higher education. The obvious fact, that there aren't enough technical institutes in my country, was my compulsion.
Quite honestly, back then, I had not heard much about the "Sawthi" countries (pre-IT revolution era), other than that it was the land owned by "Verrappan", and inhabited by people who spoke in a language that made a crow's caw sound sweeter than Celine Dion. I am quite sure that these countries were not witnessing a famine of any sort at the point in time, nevertheless given the gaunt structures, for once I thought I was in Somalia of all places. Foreign language, strange looking people, wearing something that can be best described as a crossover between a pajama and a skirt or rather an ancestor of a beach 'wrap around'. No, they didn't have a cleavage, not in the least and I could count their ribs and how they vibrated from the heart beats. That was women I was talking about. As for men, same, just happened to wear different clothes and yet managed that smug look on their faces. By the way, there's no market for bras in this part of the world, they're not needed, because a bra is for breasts and they don't have any. I learnt my lesson right on the first day of college when my 'super-nerd king' college professor (M.Tech Computer Science) addressed me and the gang as : "You Northies". Wow! It shattered my false notion of unity in diversity.
I admit that there are enough ignorant people in Delhi to justify its male sexist, anti- girl child, wife beating, women raping image. I can only speak for myself (and so could you). I remember always complaining about my parents being partial towards my sister. I grew up with the values where I always pictured god as being a woman. Do you know, we have a full fledged festival called 'Kanjak' during which we worship females? Much for what you read in the papers, I can't remember of any occasion where my female friends have gotten discriminated against or anything of that sort. Yes, if you roam around at 2:00am in the night in a bikini, then chances of undesirable incidents increase. But that's true for most of the countries of the world.
Yes, we can afford SUV's and love them. We prefer buying SUVs over a lifelong supply of coconuts. We don't have 90% of our population travelling by mopeds. Great Kings kept the best horses and took pride in them. So we're not used to using 'dogs' as our rides. And then can you flaunt a moped? Nah! If you expect your rich boyfriend from Delhi to discuss the latest advances in genetics and not Rolex and Armani , ain't gonna happen for sure. You grow up and study hard to earn money; we don't need to go all the way since we are born fucking rich. We have the kind of money to employ your whole country to wash our asses’ every day. Think you were born into a society where a "Sawthi" woman can whoop a Punjabi's ass? You know what, just try that for once. You'll come to know what WMD stands for.
We defend your countries. For one from your country we have 50 from ours who were part of freedom struggle. For one from your country, we have 200 who make up the armed forces and defend us from our hostile neighbors. You were born in a matriarchal home, maybe, but making me believe that that’s how the people from your countries are, would be a ludicrous. And what the fuck do you mean by 'in rightful name of girl child’, isn't that discriminatory? Women are treated like trash all over, not that I approve of it in any way, so stop stereotyping the north for that. Are you of English descent?? I believe not, so stop fucking harping about our screwed up English. This is not motherfucking England, its India and we speak Hindi and take pride in it. All said, there's still nothing worse than a person speaking English in a "Sawthi" accent. What's with "Saar"?? Fucktards, its Sir..Sir..Sir. And prefixing every word with 'enna' with a pulsating thumb gesture. Now that you have brought it up, it was you who started harping about a linguistically divided India because Hindi was made the national language. Take the blame for linguistic discrimination in India.
Try a small exercise; Take a small kid or not even a human, a dog pup and show it Bharatnatyam. I am sure by the end you will find them either dead or comatose. A person with clinical depression would slash his wrists if taken to a Bharatnatyam performance. I wonder how it even qualifies for a dance, being such an inanimate, lifeless excuse for dance. While on visit to your country, I happened to see some of the movies you make. It seems like all your actors came out of their mother's wombs with mustache on their face and pot bellies. God! the female actors, buffaloes on streets of Delhi are prettier. Of course your creative intellect reflects in them. Yes, we have grown up listening to Gurdas Mann and Jagjit Singh and good that you know them, for I have no knowledge of anyone of that stature from your side. Your 'beautiful' women Hema couldn't find a befitting "Sawthi" and married a punjabi, SriDevi, ditto , and Aishwarya Rai, who drowned her southern heritage long ago by assuming an American accent, too married a half punjabi and had innumerous affairs for a century with Punjabis before that. Lastly, only if you know, Hema , Sri, Aish, all have had their share 'cosmetic treatments' so don't even lay your "Sawthi" hands on Priyanka.
Your names remind me of linked lists from my C programming classes. You add your dads name and your village name to your own name to make a fucking train of a name which even god would find hard to pronounce. Don't like our food?? So what?? There's hardly a doubt about the delectability of our food. Our Chicken Tikka Masala has such a global appeal that it’s the national dish of UK now. Wonder why its not masala dosa??
We are the land of martyrs, land of the warriors, land of the super kings, land of beauty and of course politics.
..... Next time you touch our pride, those 'gidda' girls will kick your bharatnatyam ass so hard that you will float in the outer space forever.
Yours Punjabi Munda
Ideal this is.
ReplyDeleteStereotypical chick, isn't she?
yeah.. I was quite appalled by her blog.. I have never felt that way for the other side :))
ReplyDeleteOk I will write you a comment because my comment wont get lost in some 2k comments (as yet :)) Nice write up though! But please dont make it a "ek doosre pe kichad uchalo" game. Its not My country, your country. Its Our country. Really! I understand u have been totally angered by her silly rant (so have I) but seriously some one has to be the "bigger" one and forgive her. Lets just let the poor girl be! She must have learnt her lesson by now! :)
ReplyDeleteKUDOS TO YOU for this reply to MADRASAM ..BUT YOU SHOULD NOT TRASH BHARATMATYAM...
ReplyDeleteShe's not ashamed of it, alrihgtt?
ReplyDeleteAttention seeking female is what is most apt for her @Varsha
I take Shahana's post as a humorous read, rather than one that is directed towards any particular community or part of India. Everyone is entitled to their opinion & that's what Shahana has done too. Doesn't make this post any judge of character or culture of any part of India or its people for that matter.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed not only the main post, but also reading the comments too, many expressing outbursts of anger for the remarks made by Shahana. We humans are competitive by nature in our blood, with each person competing with their innate talents, whether its their ability to flaunt their beauty or show off their brawn/brain power. No one is above anyone else. Everybody have to die someday. No one will carry their body to hell or heaven.
Coming to skin colour, this is one of the most hated topic in many parts of the world. We never asked God to be born this way. Since we are here & can achieve anything humanly possible, irrespective of our colour, its best on our part not to be too proud or ashamed of what we have outside. Anyway, beauty is only skin deep. When we look beyond that, only then can we live in harmony & let go of our indifferences. North & South should support each other, rather than hurling brickbats. That's why we are Indians, always united. Or else, we would have separated long back,like North & South Korea.
I have no problem in understanding Hindi, but face some difficulty in speaking in it, as its not my mother tongue. But still I've learnt Hindi, as its our official language. With so many people coming here from north for IT jobs, we can make them feel at home at least when they hear their language from us, rather than our own mother tongue. At the same time please also understand that its not out mother tongue & do not make fun of the way we speak Hindi. Appreciate the effort we put in to learn a language not from our part of the country, though we always have the option of speaking in English. At the same time we never force people to learn our language, as we do understand the difficulty in that. So its not right to make fun that we promote our language or our food in our own place. I've heard many people from the north, complain about food in south & vice versa. Its perfectly natural that you/we might not like our/your food, as its way different from yours/ours. But that's the beauty of it. Be a Roman while in Rome.
I understand your despair after reading her post, but then as I said, everyone is free to express, but in a more subtle way, omitting any unpleasantness, however angry we are..
No offense @Bunny, this one is in good humor too. Just counterpart. :))
ReplyDeleteThis is a perfect reply to the Madrasan ( this is what she prefers to be called)...Kudos to you for writing this.
ReplyDeletePROUD TO BE A PUNJABI......CHEERS
I'm a Delhi girl, and I feel this is quite offensive. Agreed what shahana wrote was offensive too, but just carrying all of this forward and slandering one another does no good. Delhites are not perfect and neither are people from down south. Both the communities, however, have their own positives and we should look at that rather than just confirming the stereotypes and taking it to another level. Doesn't speak well of us.
ReplyDeleteWhatever said and done, the whole madrasan issue is getting out of hands. But being a delhite it really did hurt to read Madrasan's 1st open letter. Delhi as a city has always been big hearted n welcoming in nature. And people like me who consider ourselves as pakka Delhites have continued that tradition and heritage. So a drunken rant like Madrasan's was totally uncalled for. And ofcourse there are better things to do n worry about when u r dead drunk - dear shahana, try getting laid next time. It'll do wonders in relieving you of the stress and chaos in ur otherwise jobless mind :)
ReplyDelete